Sunday, 16 March 2014

Weekends have a new meaning

In the last three weekends things have changed immeasurably. Not only have things changed physically, I live in a new place, I no longer have my Sam down the road; things have changed in my being. That statement sounds pretty deep but I will explain.

I used to be the girl who used to have her entire weekends mapped out, even if the plan was to have no plans further than knowing I was spending it with a particular person and nothing else, that was fine by me. I couldn't bear the thought of a Friday coming up without knowing that my weekend would involved being surrounded by friends, constantly entertained. I can't actually remember the last time I spent a Friday and Saturday night, at home, alone without anyone sharing my bed. 

But this weekend I did just that. It turns out I spent Friday night with my old housemates, and came back to my own place at a reasonable hour. I woke up Saturday morning at the crack of dawn and knew that the only real plan I had was to go and get my hair done. Turns out my weekend has been pretty bloody lovely, with a little help from the gorgeous spring time sunshine. 

It may sounds really ridiculous to some but it feels like a pretty big deal for me. I feel I've turned a corner. I got to Friday without a real plan of what was happening or whether I was actually going to end up seeing anyone this weekend and I wasn't freaking out. I wasn't thinking, Christ I have no friends and I'm wasting my weekend because I'm not out and getting wasted. I had an unfamiliar sense of calm.

Yeah, in the end my weekend turned out pretty busy but with equal amounts of alone time, time to paint my nails, do some washing and clean the house, and to be honest I have relished every minute of it. I am not that person who likes there own company, and when Sam left I thought I would turn all sorts of crazy without someone to see whenever I wanted, but I haven't. I'm learning to really enjoy just taking the time out. This sounds pretty silly even just typing it but I think I've matured, especially in the last 3 weeks, let alone the last year. This acceptance of being alone and yet not feeling lonely is an absolute revelation to me. My weekends have a new meaning......


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